Good Morning Wild Ones!
This morning, I’m posting about another one of my wild extremities. Abandonment issues are struggles that many of us face, but few of us talk about. I do not believe that this is because we live in such a secretive or private world that abandonment issues are condemned to hushed tones and moments of self-reflection. I do instead believe that most people never gain success over their abandonment issues; therefore they are only spoken about in a defensive way. Few people ever get the opportunity to talk about abandonment with a tone of victory. I have been given this beautiful opportunity, but it was not by happenstance.
The First Step
The first step in my victory over my abandonment issues was to realize that I had them. This was truly the hardest part! I was not a textbook, stereotypical abandonment issues case. Usually when we talk about abandonment issues we think of clinginess and promiscuity. I was nowhere near either of these. I was instead on the complete opposite end of the spectrum, disengaged when it came to my relationships and usually the most platonic friend to the opposite sex. It would seem that I did not have any abandonment issues, but I was wrong. While perusing the internet, I read that abandonment issues can sometimes express themselves as callousness rather than clinginess. This changed my perspective on my situation completely. I do not know if this a true psychological fact, but I can tell you that it is my truth.
I hope that if you are like me and perusing the internet, that this will be the article that you stumble upon, forcing you to place a looking-glass to your issues.
Through certain things in my life, I naturally developed some defenses against my fear of abandonment. I have always been guarded, allowing people to come in only but so much. This gave me a sense of control, the ability to be unaffected if they also decided to leave me. This restraint spanned from platonic friendships to intimate relationships. I have never been in love, move very slowly in intimate relationships, and never want to commit. I always stayed guarded when dating or in relationships, so if we didn’t work out I could be completely okay within a day or two. I refused to invest too much in people because they had been such an unstable commodity.
Taking the Other Steps
The next steps in how I overcame my abandonment issues was prayer and intentionality. Personally, I believe in God, so prayer was my best friend in traversing the terrain of these deep-seated issues. But along with prayer there was an intentionality that I instilled when dealing with this issue. In everyday life, I made certain to be alert to the things which stemmed from my abandonment issues. I would then be deliberate in counteracting my natural tendencies by forcing amounts of emotional closeness and openness. This was unnatural and difficult, but it is through these simple steps that I overcame my abandonment issues. Do not be confused my friends, I am daily affected by these issues. BUT I have overcome them because they neither define me nor control me. I am able to talk about these issues from a victor’s standpoint, unashamedly and undauntedly. I hope that soon you can too.