Good morning Wild Ones,
Pangs of hunger bulldozed their way into my stomach,and settled in around 11 o’clock. The worst kind of squatters they were, the kind that come in and takeover. My stomach, their home, everything’s relative. I could no longer think about anything outside of the new habitation of these persistent pangs. So I dash down the steps, open my pantry- empty, my fridge-empty, my cabinets-empty, everything-empty. Then I look down at my stomach-empty. What is a young hungry vegetarian lady to do at 11 o’clock at night with no food at home? The obvious answer to me was to go to Taco Bell, but I am usually a bit leery of going to Taco Bell at those prime-food-poisoning hours. My thoughts soon ran on the fact that I do not take hunger well, and I realized that if I ate nothing, I would be seriously sick in the morning. So I donned my favorite perfectly crafted, snuggie-like garment and some shoes, and I entered my car. The leeriness, which had previously only slightly imposed itself into my decisions, soon began exposing itself some more and sat very heavily on my mind. This leeriness was different, I felt like something bad was going to happen. As a naturally cautious person, I generally go to the extremes.
So naturally, I thought I was going to die.
But I was really hungry so of course I’m still going to Taco Bell, but I decided to call some of the people who I really care about before I began my death drive.
This was innately selfish:
1. I did not want to die completely alone and on the way to Taco Bell. That’s a terrible way to go.
2. I imagined my friends listening to me dying…and I still called them. Afterall, these were potentially my last moments, don’t I deserve to be a bit selfish?
While in the garage, I blinged the hotline of all my dearest friends-nobody answered. The leeriness set in even further. Finally, I opened my garage door and began backing up as I watched my beautiful home transform into the set of a horror movie, and I was going to be the first to die. I then drove down the roads slowly and cautiously as I prayed as earnestly as I could. As I was nearing Taco Bell, life in tow, I began considering that there was a strong possibility that I was not about to die. But that really got me thinking about how much I don’t want to die yet. This is not because I am afraid of death, but instead because I am unsure that I lived to the fullest. I’m not simply wondering if I am fulfilled, but if I died at 2 days ago, would I be able to say in over two decades of being a life that I’ve lived fearlessly? Could I say that I lived outside of the opinions of others; that I was bold and fearless? I really began considering this and I started thinking about my mantra for the past two weeks – live boldly and unapologetically. That means that I don’t apologize for who I am, and for what I want, and what I love, and who I love, and you know things of that sort because I’m bold, I’m unapologetic. And that propels me to think about living every moment, every single moment like it’s important. There are no throw away moments, no do-overs, no moment that is of more or less value when it comes to time. It’s about how you decide to use your moment. Money is worth much less than time is but we hold money to such a high standard, constantly considering how we spend it and if this was worth it. But was not being everything that I can be worth it? Was not expressing myself worth it? Was suppressing my dreams worth it? Was not loving myself enough? Loving others enough? Doing enough? When it comes time to balance the checkbook of your life, of your time you realize that it’s not worth it. I am under the belief that we should always be content but never satisfied. We should be constantly under renovation growing as our time on Earth grows. So I would really love it if you guys could join me in this journey of being bold and unapologetic. To make a conscious effort daily to be a steward of your precious time. To live a life without regrets, only beautiful lessons.
Oh yes, by the way, I did end up getting food poisoning, so I nearly died for this blog post. I’d really appreciate you guys making it worth it, and living better life through my bad experience with Taco Bell.