Good morning my Wild Ones!
So I’ve been completely gone for about 2 months. And I can honestly say that I’ve been lost. Not lost as in losing myself (A Sunday at Eastern Market helped me with that), but lost as in forgetting what is important to me. I had so many huge life changes, that I stood in complete ignorance of the fact that I was lost. I felt as though I was constantly wasting time on nothing. And had no idea why. But I had to be patient with myself. I had to look inside deeply without expectation. Without feeling forced to blurt out emotions that need to be unearthed rather than flimsily encountered.
I feel like sometimes we expect to know everything about ourselves in an instant. But the relationship we have with ourselves is lifelong yet consistently sacred. In any relationship, getting to know a person takes effort. There will always be secrets (intentional or unintentional). There will always be more to learn. There will always be room to grow in relationship. There will always be questions of why people do the things they do. When my favorite tasks, blogging included, suddenly became taxing, I simply stopped doing them. I was investing in myself. I decided to take time off and understand why I felt like this so I could properly fix the problem. I slowly broke down my entire life to rebuild it properly. So now I finally understand why I felt the way I did. I was
I was overwhelmed by everything and didn’t even know it. I was trying to be everything I was in Alabama…but in DC… in an instant. In Alabama I was an artist, explorer, doing well in school, a leader, a risk taker, a banging nursery worker, surrounded by my friends, in a church routine, enjoying the life I wanted to have in my 20s. That’s a lot of pressure on DC and more importantly myself. I literally wanted to rebuild a life that took 21 years to build in a couple of months. I wanted to be back to how I was without the lessons and the hardships that birthed my Alabama life. I have come to understand a life shift as an opportunity to rebuild. Before getting here I thought about the fact that my Alabama life would stay in Alabama while my DC life was something that I had the opportunity to form. Notice how I said form rather than build. I imagined that I would be able to take everything I loved from life in Alabama while incorporating DC into it.
Ultimately all I brought here was myself, the lessons I’ve learned, and the support of people who mainly don’t live here. So that means that I have to build around that bare bone foundation. I soon began to miss my self-sufficiency, having good friends to do random things with at the drop of a hat, my church, expressing my art, being great in school, and so much more. This also was not fair to DC or myself. I had not tried to build that life; instead I imagined that everything would transfer over. I thought I would just mold my old life until it fit into my new one, but I soon learned that life doesn’t work that way. When I made that realization, I started on the journey of being
I slowly began building my new life in my new city based on the lessons I learned and the people I love in Alabama. I’m learning myself. I’m learning what’s most important to me. I’m figuring out what my life in DC really looks like. And guys, it’s been amazing. I am: happy, feeling profoundly blessed, proud of my growth, and so excited to see what up ahead.
For most of you, you didn’t move twelve hours away, start a new school, and dismantle some once important facets of your personal life. Some of you guys just started a new job or school year. Some of you simply made the decision to change your life. But just remember:
You deserve for you to learn about yourself. It’s not narcissism, it’s self care. Never take the relationship you have with yourself for granted.
Over-inflated expectations only lead to disappointment. Don’t be too hard on yourself.
Rome wasn’t built in a day, neither should your life be. Quality requires time.
It gets better. Even if it might suck a bit now.
Also, I’m back to blogging. I’ll be posting every Wednesday and Thursday, so keep a look out tomorrow at 10 am Eastern.
Thanks for sticking with me,