Good morning wild ones,
So 2016 is over, and while many have said that 2016 was trash, I have to disagree. When I think back to 2015, which feels like a lifetime ago, I remember it as a year of growth. This year was definitely different. 2016 was a year of endurance, perseverance, and change. I learned about both myself and those around me. I learned what I was capable of in the wake of every disappointment. But despite the struggles, I can say that this was one of the happiest years of my life. I was sick and broke for the majority of the year, but I loved like never before. I think that this was the difference, love was the difference. In this year, I learned that I am fiercely loyal with a literal abundance of love to give. I also learned that love and loyalty can either yield passion or hurt. In this past year, I experienced both. So I had to consider what I needed to do to fortify the passion and stay away from the hurt.
In the beginning of 2016, I wrote a piece called New Year, who dis?. This was a post about getting rid of toxic relationships to promote your personal growth. During that time, I let go of certain relationships cold turkey, and for a while I thought this was good enough. That was until I ended up back in many of those relationships, hurt once again in a cycle of toxicity before the year even ended.
Nearing the end of 2016, I started to question what I needed to do to permanently let go of relationships that are doing me no good. It was then that I began taking my unrelenting loyalty into consideration. This is what was keeping me from simply doing what was best for myself.
I WAS TOO LOYAL TO THOSE HURTING ME.
During the last few months of the year, I had to learn to give up on people. I had to lose hope in their future progress and accept their current level of toxicity. I am a strong believer in finding the good in everyone, so this was a hard thing to do. Naturally there were a few step to the process.
1. I had to get sick and tired of hurt.*
*Okay, so this happens a lot, but I always somehow end up back in a relationship that hurts me.
2. I had to realize that being sick and tired of getting hurt is not enough for some people (e.g. me).
3. I had to understand that it is not okay to expend so much energy and love on people that simply don’t care that much about me and willingly bring toxicity into our relationship.
4. Number 3 hurts. I had to let that hurt sink in.**
**Letting the hurt sink in is super important. Don’t gloss over it. Don’t act like it’s not that serious. It had to be that serious since I seriously wanted to change.
5. I had to let go of both the anger and sadness.***
***Another super important step. Both sadness and anger fade, and since I’m not good at holding grudges, as the anger fades I somehow drift back in to relations with the person.
6. I had to figure out the cycle of toxicity and determine where I had to stop it before another cycle began.
7. I had to realize that whoever it is is currently not compatible with my growth journey and let them go with a clear conscience.
This is what I did, and it seems to be working. I can’t tell you that there’s any one-size-fits-all way to get rid of toxic people, but I am positive that it is necessary. So it’s worth it to find YOUR way of doing it. Your struggle may not be overwhelming loyalty, it may be something else. But set up a game plan to leave some people in your past in order for you to properly progress to a better future.
Much love and blessings in the this new year,